Lost.. Yet Home..

2:30 AM. Sleeplessness. Disturbance. Discomfort. Dawn.

That day she was diverted. She realized the reason she couldn't concentrate. She needed to tell him. She needed to tell herself. She needed to confess. She needed to own up. For weeks that felt like ages she had clogged herself from telling him how much she loved him. But she had to let it out. Someday. She decided that day would be today.

Confession. Silence. Tears.

She cried. She wept. Sniveled in his arms that night. She wasn't sad. There was no remorse anymore. She had finally told him all about how she felt. He held her tight telling her he was there, right beside her. She had said it. Silence broke.

"Since when?", he asked. "Does it matter?", she retorted.

Eyes red from crying she whispered in his ears hugging him, "I hope I haven't spoiled anything we had. I don't want my feelings to be a hitch in any way. I know you don't feel the same way for me." (Knowing what she said was the truth killed her inside)

With eyes filled with water, he held her hand and said, "I love you even more now, sleep well." They left for home. She dint sleep that night, she dreamt.

The sun was shining bright again and she woke up to a new morning feeling new and completely different. She asked herself, "Is this what love does to you? Does everything really seem to be too perfect to be true?" She was filled with contentment to bother to answer anything anymore now.

She was lost. Lost in love. Yet she was home. It was her dwelling place now. She resided in love and love resided in her. Knowing that love wasn't reciprocated from the other end, she was happy. Content. Blissful. She loved UNCONDITIONALLY. She was love. She is. Love doesn't always come with a companion practically, it is one itself.

Lost.. Yet home..

The world lies... WITHIN ME.

The day begins..

Like everyday, I'd get up and stretch my arms. Do my daily morning activities and buzz off to college. Get back home for lunch and rush to work. After work I'd get to class for studies and catching up with my other half, FRIENDS! Somewhere in the midst of all this there would come that one moment in the whole day when I'd stop and think, re-think about love and my life and I'd abruptly leave that thought there, unanswered.

That thought, that question.. was.. always unanswered. It left me.. Helpless. A Void. Something that nothing could fit into. Nothing was wrong, yet nothing was right. I knew right then, Introspection was to begin. When I'd be with someone, it'd feel good but momentary. It wasn't him, i knew. I wanted to love, wanted to be loved. Vulnerable. Fragile. That was me then. I would fall asleep with an incomplete essay of questions in my head.. yet to be finished. Everyday I'd wake up and go to sleep after one more day of struggle to seek for that love, that answer to everything that could possibly exist in my life.

I had almost given up on venturing and taking risks with different answers, until one morning when I was wide awake in my dreams I saw love, I touched love, I felt love, I was in 'love'.. I saw the answer right in front of me.. I wanted to hold it back when I woke up but no it had all vanished away with the unconsciousness i was in then. I wanted to go back to sleep and see him.. see love.. See the man I love.. But.. Helpless again i stood.

With that image I moved ahead with the day at least with the hope of finding him sometime i my life. After a few weeks of COMPLETE CONFUSION and a DILEMMA of questions and handful experiences with people and answers, I reached a point of saturation. I was blank. Thoughtless. It was 4:00 AM and I wasn't sleepy. That was my moment, i realized who i was looking for. That nothingness was the answer itself. The answer existed in my mind ever since but all the other things had filled the space to see anything clearly. I knew the answer since always. It is him. I know. It was time to clean up. I am love and always was in love with him. ♥

We all have our answers. WITHIN US. We just need to pick up the broom and give our mind some rest.