Empty fingers. Broken dreams. Sore eyes. Fake beams.
Clingy thoughts. Shattered hopes. Fulfilled pain. Endless ropes.
Fathomless questions. Answers few. Piercing void. Helpless clue.
Distressed body. Wandering soul. Baffled mind. Lost control.
Quaint sorrow. Exerted tries. Curiosity killing. Painful cries.
Feelings flow. Anger gushed. Crimping toes. Voices hushed.
Scorching tears. Faithless wants. Wait prolonged. Time haunts.
Wet lashes. Arid maw. Puffed lids. Unseen saw.
Envious lover. Prized foe. Love chastised. Closed door.
Unrequited query. Deciphered flaw. Insatiable need. Unbreakable law.
Seized smile. Relentless weep. Freedom nagged. Penetrating deep.
Meaningless worry. Unwilling steps. Footprints engraved. Darkened depth.
Incurable wounds. Heart hurt. Silence speaks. Without blurt.
I can’t explain how sad I am… Because I don’t know myself what is the scam.
How I wish I could express to you where I stand, if only you could help me in no man’s land.
Until today I was in a phase where I saw no loss and no winning a race.
I am no more and I never was. I am going numb without a cause.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Lost.. Yet Home..
2:30 AM. Sleeplessness. Disturbance. Discomfort. Dawn.
That day she was diverted. She realized the reason she couldn't concentrate. She needed to tell him. She needed to tell herself. She needed to confess. She needed to own up. For weeks that felt like ages she had clogged herself from telling him how much she loved him. But she had to let it out. Someday. She decided that day would be today.
Confession. Silence. Tears.
She cried. She wept. Sniveled in his arms that night. She wasn't sad. There was no remorse anymore. She had finally told him all about how she felt. He held her tight telling her he was there, right beside her. She had said it. Silence broke.
"Since when?", he asked. "Does it matter?", she retorted.
Eyes red from crying she whispered in his ears hugging him, "I hope I haven't spoiled anything we had. I don't want my feelings to be a hitch in any way. I know you don't feel the same way for me." (Knowing what she said was the truth killed her inside)
With eyes filled with water, he held her hand and said, "I love you even more now, sleep well." They left for home. She dint sleep that night, she dreamt.
The sun was shining bright again and she woke up to a new morning feeling new and completely different. She asked herself, "Is this what love does to you? Does everything really seem to be too perfect to be true?" She was filled with contentment to bother to answer anything anymore now.
She was lost. Lost in love. Yet she was home. It was her dwelling place now. She resided in love and love resided in her. Knowing that love wasn't reciprocated from the other end, she was happy. Content. Blissful. She loved UNCONDITIONALLY. She was love. She is. Love doesn't always come with a companion practically, it is one itself.
Lost.. Yet home..
That day she was diverted. She realized the reason she couldn't concentrate. She needed to tell him. She needed to tell herself. She needed to confess. She needed to own up. For weeks that felt like ages she had clogged herself from telling him how much she loved him. But she had to let it out. Someday. She decided that day would be today.
Confession. Silence. Tears.
She cried. She wept. Sniveled in his arms that night. She wasn't sad. There was no remorse anymore. She had finally told him all about how she felt. He held her tight telling her he was there, right beside her. She had said it. Silence broke.
"Since when?", he asked. "Does it matter?", she retorted.
Eyes red from crying she whispered in his ears hugging him, "I hope I haven't spoiled anything we had. I don't want my feelings to be a hitch in any way. I know you don't feel the same way for me." (Knowing what she said was the truth killed her inside)
With eyes filled with water, he held her hand and said, "I love you even more now, sleep well." They left for home. She dint sleep that night, she dreamt.
The sun was shining bright again and she woke up to a new morning feeling new and completely different. She asked herself, "Is this what love does to you? Does everything really seem to be too perfect to be true?" She was filled with contentment to bother to answer anything anymore now.
She was lost. Lost in love. Yet she was home. It was her dwelling place now. She resided in love and love resided in her. Knowing that love wasn't reciprocated from the other end, she was happy. Content. Blissful. She loved UNCONDITIONALLY. She was love. She is. Love doesn't always come with a companion practically, it is one itself.
Lost.. Yet home..
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The world lies... WITHIN ME.
The day begins..
Like everyday, I'd get up and stretch my arms. Do my daily morning activities and buzz off to college. Get back home for lunch and rush to work. After work I'd get to class for studies and catching up with my other half, FRIENDS! Somewhere in the midst of all this there would come that one moment in the whole day when I'd stop and think, re-think about love and my life and I'd abruptly leave that thought there, unanswered.
That thought, that question.. was.. always unanswered. It left me.. Helpless. A Void. Something that nothing could fit into. Nothing was wrong, yet nothing was right. I knew right then, Introspection was to begin. When I'd be with someone, it'd feel good but momentary. It wasn't him, i knew. I wanted to love, wanted to be loved. Vulnerable. Fragile. That was me then. I would fall asleep with an incomplete essay of questions in my head.. yet to be finished. Everyday I'd wake up and go to sleep after one more day of struggle to seek for that love, that answer to everything that could possibly exist in my life.
I had almost given up on venturing and taking risks with different answers, until one morning when I was wide awake in my dreams I saw love, I touched love, I felt love, I was in 'love'.. I saw the answer right in front of me.. I wanted to hold it back when I woke up but no it had all vanished away with the unconsciousness i was in then. I wanted to go back to sleep and see him.. see love.. See the man I love.. But.. Helpless again i stood.
With that image I moved ahead with the day at least with the hope of finding him sometime i my life. After a few weeks of COMPLETE CONFUSION and a DILEMMA of questions and handful experiences with people and answers, I reached a point of saturation. I was blank. Thoughtless. It was 4:00 AM and I wasn't sleepy. That was my moment, i realized who i was looking for. That nothingness was the answer itself. The answer existed in my mind ever since but all the other things had filled the space to see anything clearly. I knew the answer since always. It is him. I know. It was time to clean up. I am love and always was in love with him. ♥
We all have our answers. WITHIN US. We just need to pick up the broom and give our mind some rest.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Memory...
And so she left, leaving a memory.
There was a time when she completed me, there was a time when time dint pass without her presence, there was a time when I hardly realized it was 6 AM and I was yet on the phone, there was a time when I stopped the world for her, there was a time when I cried my eyes out to her, there WAS a time.
How many of us have someone like this? Or may I call it ‘best friend’. Who stays with you forever and ever? How much can you expect from someone? How much can someone live it up to you? Can you be there without wanting them to be there for you in return? Can you not feel ashamed of being a burden on someone? Can someone make you feel like you aren’t a burden on them? Can you always be the one to give and not want? Do you think best friends really do exist? How much can you trust someone with your life? Can you be completely honest with anyone?
If the answer to the last question is ‘yes’ then you deserve a clap! If the answer to the first question is ‘yes’ then you’ve been blessed! If the answer to the first question is ‘yes’, and to the last one is ‘no’ then you are wasting that relationship!
It is so human of me to ask so many questions. But I’m not asking you, I’m asking myself and I’m telling you to ask yourself! Are we true to ourselves when we say I can say anything and everything to ‘xyz’ person? Can we stop deceiving ourselves for once? Cause it really doesn’t help!
She came in my life to ‘be’… She came to be my guardian angel… She came when I really needed someone! Is that why she is so important to me? Is it just that much? Am I THIS close to her because of the downs in my life? Would it be someone else if it wasn’t for her? How can I think like this about her… No No, I can’t! She’s been there when I had to cry, she’s been there when my hopes had given up on me… when I dint see another way out except for death! What she left behind was an obligation. Well I know it isn’t appropriate to say she’s obliged me but that’s what it feels like now, with all the distance growing… I hate being away! I hate her leaving! Why does she have to go? Doesn’t she give me that importance? Don’t I come first for her like the way she does? Oh my god, I’m EXPECTING things from her! That’s wrong!
Expecting anything from her spoilt my relationship with her. I raped it! I blame myself! I am responsible!
She left because of me, leaving a memory!
There was a time when she completed me, there was a time when time dint pass without her presence, there was a time when I hardly realized it was 6 AM and I was yet on the phone, there was a time when I stopped the world for her, there was a time when I cried my eyes out to her, there WAS a time.
How many of us have someone like this? Or may I call it ‘best friend’. Who stays with you forever and ever? How much can you expect from someone? How much can someone live it up to you? Can you be there without wanting them to be there for you in return? Can you not feel ashamed of being a burden on someone? Can someone make you feel like you aren’t a burden on them? Can you always be the one to give and not want? Do you think best friends really do exist? How much can you trust someone with your life? Can you be completely honest with anyone?
If the answer to the last question is ‘yes’ then you deserve a clap! If the answer to the first question is ‘yes’ then you’ve been blessed! If the answer to the first question is ‘yes’, and to the last one is ‘no’ then you are wasting that relationship!
It is so human of me to ask so many questions. But I’m not asking you, I’m asking myself and I’m telling you to ask yourself! Are we true to ourselves when we say I can say anything and everything to ‘xyz’ person? Can we stop deceiving ourselves for once? Cause it really doesn’t help!
She came in my life to ‘be’… She came to be my guardian angel… She came when I really needed someone! Is that why she is so important to me? Is it just that much? Am I THIS close to her because of the downs in my life? Would it be someone else if it wasn’t for her? How can I think like this about her… No No, I can’t! She’s been there when I had to cry, she’s been there when my hopes had given up on me… when I dint see another way out except for death! What she left behind was an obligation. Well I know it isn’t appropriate to say she’s obliged me but that’s what it feels like now, with all the distance growing… I hate being away! I hate her leaving! Why does she have to go? Doesn’t she give me that importance? Don’t I come first for her like the way she does? Oh my god, I’m EXPECTING things from her! That’s wrong!
Expecting anything from her spoilt my relationship with her. I raped it! I blame myself! I am responsible!
She left because of me, leaving a memory!
Friday, May 8, 2009
My Mother...
This is for my mother, who made me.
Not all of us know how much it takes out of a woman to give birth to a child. In fact, we cant even think of what she goes through unless we do it ourselves! Can we really thank them enough? No. Nothing fills in for that. Nothing compensates. And most of all, she wouldn't want us to repay her. I read this somewhere at a random place, 'A child gives birth to a mother.' It stayed with me for long. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Isn't it true? If there wasn't a child to be born, a mother wouldn't exist either!
How many times does one tell their mother how much she is loved? I dint as often as one should have. And its the biggest mistake in my life. Say it out loud, she's here. You cant do any better than telling her you love her. She's going to feel content. If you don't, the day you'll lose her will be the day you'll be saying it louder than you cried when you were a child. Trust me! You'll regret it all your life. Being a mother is not just another responsibility. One cant even imagine how far a mother may go for her child. And its not an obligation. A father may support the child and all what he is 'suppose to do' as a father which is commendable too. But a mother is not 'suppose to do' anything. She just does it, without question or answer, without reason or justification. She's just there behind you when you fall turning back and she keeps a hand on your shoulder and says, "Its alright!"
My mother is no more with me today in this world but I know she 'IS'. And I know some people may call this deception or rather may say, I'm trying to comfort myself but it doesn't matter. Because I know deep down, she is there, still there! I can and I do talk to her. Its nothing magical. Its because she's 'My Mother'. :) And no one in this world would hate themselves more when they realize they lost their chance to tell their moms, 'I love you ma'. Its not so hard, if you think it is then its going to be harder to forgive yourself in later life.
I would hate to write, 'Please realize the importance of a mother'. But do realize that saying, 'Mom, you are important to me' may help. If after reading this, you did feel even for a moment that what I am trying to say is right, please go and give your mother a tight hug and tell her how lucky you are to have her around and that nobody in this world loves her more than you do! :)
And like always, Love doing it!
-Kanchan :)
(P.S:- If anyone at all is offended, I Apologize. Through this article, I'm not trying to tell you my plight, but just trying to tell everyone, You don't get another chance.)
Not all of us know how much it takes out of a woman to give birth to a child. In fact, we cant even think of what she goes through unless we do it ourselves! Can we really thank them enough? No. Nothing fills in for that. Nothing compensates. And most of all, she wouldn't want us to repay her. I read this somewhere at a random place, 'A child gives birth to a mother.' It stayed with me for long. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Isn't it true? If there wasn't a child to be born, a mother wouldn't exist either!
How many times does one tell their mother how much she is loved? I dint as often as one should have. And its the biggest mistake in my life. Say it out loud, she's here. You cant do any better than telling her you love her. She's going to feel content. If you don't, the day you'll lose her will be the day you'll be saying it louder than you cried when you were a child. Trust me! You'll regret it all your life. Being a mother is not just another responsibility. One cant even imagine how far a mother may go for her child. And its not an obligation. A father may support the child and all what he is 'suppose to do' as a father which is commendable too. But a mother is not 'suppose to do' anything. She just does it, without question or answer, without reason or justification. She's just there behind you when you fall turning back and she keeps a hand on your shoulder and says, "Its alright!"
My mother is no more with me today in this world but I know she 'IS'. And I know some people may call this deception or rather may say, I'm trying to comfort myself but it doesn't matter. Because I know deep down, she is there, still there! I can and I do talk to her. Its nothing magical. Its because she's 'My Mother'. :) And no one in this world would hate themselves more when they realize they lost their chance to tell their moms, 'I love you ma'. Its not so hard, if you think it is then its going to be harder to forgive yourself in later life.
I would hate to write, 'Please realize the importance of a mother'. But do realize that saying, 'Mom, you are important to me' may help. If after reading this, you did feel even for a moment that what I am trying to say is right, please go and give your mother a tight hug and tell her how lucky you are to have her around and that nobody in this world loves her more than you do! :)
And like always, Love doing it!
-Kanchan :)
(P.S:- If anyone at all is offended, I Apologize. Through this article, I'm not trying to tell you my plight, but just trying to tell everyone, You don't get another chance.)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
CO-INCIDENCES.. Is it so???
We say everything happens for a reason.. And that no event or activity takes place without a justification.. And that even the existence of an atom is due to a reason.. So what is this reason??
Why are we born in a particular home? Why do we have particular parents? Why cant we choose things on our will? Why do we get along with a few and not all? Is it all planned? Is this what we call "destiny"?? Don't we have any control over our lives? Can't we decide what OUR future should be?
The answer to all these questions are UNKNOWN! Therefore, to make ourselves feel intelligent and not feel embarrassed about not knowing the answers, we ( as always) take the easy way out by giving it a very convincing name... CO-INCIDENCE! But is it so?? Are we sure that anything we don't have an explanation for is sheer co-incidence? NO! Things that happen with and around us are not just a co-incidence. They have a motive.. Life gives us many signals. It implicitly offers.. It is us who have to understand those signals.. We have to realize that everything that happens has to happen and is "meant to" happen!
OK.. Let me start with this..
# Story No. 1 - This happened on the 21st of January 2009. I was returning from a friends place at night at around 10 and got down at the station. There weren't many rickshaws there. I tried catching one but none agreed. There was this guy standing who wanted to go to some place close to my house and apparently was on my way. When i finally found a rickshaw I offered to drop him. He agreed and sat in. We chatted a little and realized we've seen each other a couple of times before and even knew where the other lived. We became friends.
# Story No. 2 - When i was in the 9th grade.. i had participated in my annual day.. And there was a choreographer who we hardly interacted with.. We never exchanged numbers or spoke.. After the annual day we never met.. I then passed my school years and entered college.. Made friends.. And one of them got along really well with me.. Her birthday arrived and guess who i see there... My choreographer.. He turned out to be her brother.. We spoke like we knew each other since ages.. We met after that and chatted for 7 hours at a stretch and we're still very good friends.. BEAT THAT!
# Story No. 3 - I live in andheri and go to a college which is located in churchgate. Being in the 12th grade. I needed to join classes for my studies. It so happened that i had a friend who lived in kandivali and she told me about these tutors in borivali. I was kind of hesitant about the travel.. But eventually agreed to go see the teacher there. I loved the environment and without a second thought I agreed! I got along with my professors so well and bonded with them so strongly that when i wouldn't have class I would be eager to meet them. We're like a family today.
# Story No. 4 - The classes I just spoke about in the previous episode had arranged a trip for us to Goa. Even ex-students were welcome to the trip. There was this girl named Vidhi who accompanied us on the trip. Every little thing that had happened in her life had happened with me too. We shared the most amazing rapport on the trip. After the trip i also asked her to participate with me in a show. She used to come to classes often but we never bothered to know each other. It was like "things happen when they are meant to happen!" She knows my life history. We have the same choices, same preferences, similar priorities in life, same thinking, etc. etc. And I can go on! Today she is one of the closest friends i have and i don't consider this a co-incident because it feels so "meant to be!"
I could go on with my stories! I believe that nothing is unplanned. There is a reason why we meet someone, why we get along with some, why we feel comfortable with only a few, why we take certain decisions and why such uncertain things happen to us! If life was certain there wouldn't be any life in the certainties! We would know our future and react accordingly. We wouldn't grow and come across any new experiences. So the next time you say, "What A Co-incidence?" Think TWICE!! It may not be one. It could just be a signal of an unexpected surprise! Be unknown! Be prepared! Because you never know what you call a mere co-incidence could be the biggest turn in your life!
With Love,
Kanchan(P.S.- All the stories are true!)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Success!
Some thing that everyone is looking for.. Something that even a man living on the streets and a millionaire has wished for in life..What is it? Success? What is success? Is it an achievement.. Is it financial security? Is it leading a happy married life? Or is it giving birth to children and giving them a comfortable life? Well.. according to me.. it is the feeling of accomplishment of the goal of our life.. different for different people.. like it is the result of the deeds, hard work, dedication, prayers, etc.
But what is our goal of life... All of the things I mentioned above... security, comfort, luxury, money, happiness, etc. No. It is the difference you make in other people's life.. It is the mark you embark which shall be eternal.. It is something done without the want of anything in return.. It is the love you spread to make someone's day(not only to your spouse), It is indeed the smile you gave to a beggar on the street.. Two sweet words you said to the waiter who served you.. A Little thank you to the man who dropped you to the destination.. THATS ALL it takes to make someone's day.. Thats all it takes to add a deed in your life.. This is the real goal of our life..
We all want to be happy, rich, famous. But no one is going to take that richness, the fame or the happiness up with them.. because these aren't eternal.. LOVE IS! And if you can love.. Your a successful human.. If you can be loved by others then your a highly successful human being..
This is success.. Fulfillment of desires in one lifetime.. Having no more urges.. Is success! Loving everyone around you unconditionally is success! So whoever wants to be successful in life.. Your stepping stone to success would be "LOVING"
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